The Simple Mindfulness Hack for Dealing with Unwanted Thoughts and Emotions

In a previous post  on awareness, I promised to share with you all one of my favorite mindfulness hacks. Here it is:

Name your Neuroses.

For example, I have mentioned I can have a tendency towards nihilism, and for philosophic thinking that spirals in dark directions.

I named this thinking pattern… Existentialism Man.

I picture this part of myself as an emo-ish beat poet dude in a dark turtleneck with a terrible neck tattoo that means something incomprehensible to the vast majority of people and a ridiculous handlebar mustache. Existentialism Man is a chain smoker (from an ironic pipe) and habitual black coffee drinker. He does not smile in pictures. Or ever. If he tried to smile, it would be an awkward, crooked smile. His teeth are rather skewampus in his mouth. Kind of like a non-magic hipster professor Snape. With facial hair.

He pretty much hangs out in cafes all day (he doesn’t work because he considers “art man” to be more important, despite the fact that he is broke) and disturbs other customers by accosting them with questions about whether awareness is still aware if there’s nothing to be aware of…and stuff like that.

Sometimes I go for many months without Existentialism Man making an appearance, but during other seasons of life, he pops in and out throughout the day, just to say hi or comment on the fact that we’re all going to die. He certainly shows up more when my hormones are all crazy (like postpartum) or I’m stressed or things aren’t going the way I want them to in life.

But anyway, here’s what I do when he pops in, reeking of smoke yet perfumed in coffee: I say,

“Aha! Existentialism Man! We meet again!”

In my head. And then here’s what happens:

Not much. I look again and Existentialism Man seems to have evaporated. Until he pops in again 10 minutes later to offer me a cuppa joe while we debate whether life has any inherent meaning or only the meaning we, ourselves, ascribe to it.

Sometimes I forget my mindfulness hack and end up having coffee with him (metaphorically, bro, since I’m taking a break from the good stuff right now whilst breastfeeding), only to wake up in a nihilistic hellhole a few hours/days/weeks/months later and wonder what happened.

No he doesn’t drug me; he just talks on and on about if a tree falls in the middle of a forest and Schrodinger’s cat and particles and waves and machine-induced spiritual experiences and phenomenology vs classical science and so forth until I fall into a trance and eventually pass out.

But then! In the bottom of the hellhole, I do it! I remember!

I name the one who put me there (Existentialism Man!) and in so doing, remember this is an optional way of viewing the world, remember not to take myself so seriously, remember to hold my thoughts lightly rather than literally, and then find instantly find myself back in the sunny meadow of… life with meaning and purpose, as per my intentionally chosen paradigm. 

This hack works for any kind of thinking/emotional pattern that you would like to stop. It doesn’t automatically stop, of course, but every time we gain awareness of our thinking, we are no longer entranced into believing everything our thoughts say. And thank God! Because while our thoughts might be brilliant while under the influence of caffeine/good art/excellent music, they can also lead us oh so very astray and make us completely miserable.

So, for example, one might name their pattern of  acting righteous, selfless, endlessly sacrificing yet resentful “Saint Cinderella” or “Martrydom-Man.”

Or the thought in our heads that makes us think we’re better than others: “Superiority Girl.” Thoughts that say we’re the scum of the earth? “Flagellation Phinneus.”

The goal? To notice these visitors the moment they pop up. Then it’s a game. Say “Aha! I see you!”

That’s it.

What would you name your neuroses and what do they look like? Share in the comments below!

**Photo by Leah Kelley from Pexels

***Photo by Pixabay from Pexels