Everything I Wish I’d Known About Nursing for Comfort, Part 2

**This is the second part of a 2 part series. Read Part 1 on the good reasons to nurse for comfort here. I’ll wait. Reading part 1 is important because without it, you don’t get a balanced look at the positive aspects of nursing for comfort.

***Also, this post is not about the question of whether you should nurse your baby when they are hungry. My view on that is: yes. No pros and cons, no questions asked. I am in favor of feeding hungry babies always. This post is about feeding crying or fussy babies who are not hungry.

As we discussed in part 1, there are many excellent reasons to nurse your baby for comfort. There are also potential downsides. So what could possibly go wrong, when it can be such a lovely, cozy time together?

Well, let me tell you a story.

Warrior Girl was born weighing a whopping 6 lbs, 14 oz. At her 5 day checkup, she was down to 6 lbs, 5 oz. Her weight loss was normal and my proud husband and I merrily brought her home from the pediatrician.

I nursed Warrior Girl frequently in her newborn days, and any time she seemed hungry. But in the day or so leading up to her 2 week checkup, I started to worry something was wrong. She seemed pale and unwell. When she cried, no tears came out. At the checkup, the scales revealed the problem: she still weighed 6 lbs, 5 oz. (In contrast, Grace Girl had exceeded her birth weight by an entire pound by her 2 week pedi visit). I choked back tears of exhaustion and feelings of failure as her pediatrician explained that the situation was serious and we needed to get her nutrition into her asap.

Although she was nursing frequently, she wasn’t gaining weight, due to extreme sleepiness and serious difficulty latching causing her to get very little milk each nursing session. She was certainly dehydrated.

Fortunately, I was able to continue breastfeeding due to support from the pediatrician, who had me express milk to bottle feed Warrior Girl every other feeding until she gained adequate weight and grew stronger. We were put on a strict regimen of feeding every 2 hours around the clock. Each breastfeed took about an hour, so we basically spent about 12 out of 24 hours breastfeeding.

All this is to say that anytime Warrior Girl fussed or cried, if the issue wasn’t a diaper change, I pretty much immediately nursed her because she needed all the calories she could get. So yes, I absolutely nursed her for comfort. Or if she bumped her head. Or if she had hiccups. Or if she was tired.

Do I regret it? Not at all. She needed the calories, and also, despite being a fierce warrior, Warrior Girl is a sensitive lass who needs a lot of love and snuggles. It also helps that it’s over now.

That being said, there were downsides I noticed down the line. (I nursed her until she was almost 2). Note, these might not apply to you and yours if you routinely comfort nurse. This is just what happened for us:

• She was used to small, frequent feeds throughout the day, and consequently took small, frequent feeds throughout the night as well.
• When she got older (a full-on toddler), she continued to cry for nursing sessions whenever she wanted them, even though she was eating plenty of solids. This happened often in places and around people whom I just did not feel comfortable nursing my toddler in front of.
• She had to nurse to fall asleep, and to fall back asleep if she woke in the night. Since we weren’t co-sleeping, this really sucked. If I had known how frequently we’d be nursing, I would have co-slept with her, but I digress.
• She continued to wake for multiple night feedings well past her first birthday. (This is also because I was the worst sleep teacher ever with her).
• After I weaned her, she immediately took to pacifiers and now trying to wean her off binkies is doom because she has so strongly associated sucking with comfort.

When I was trying to get pregnant with Grace Girl, when Warrior Girl was 18 months, her pediatrician recommended I nurse only at set times of day (rather than all the time) in order to get my fertility to return. We followed this advice (and have Grace Girl to show for it!). Many of the problems we encountered above could have been alleviated if I had set boundaries around nursing sooner (maybe once she was established on solids. I wouldn’t have done it when she was little due to the weight gain issue).

Contrast all of this with Grace Girl (who is currently almost 3 months old). The moment Grace Girl was born and laid on my chest, she took to the breast and spent nearly two hours there, wide awake and eating (with actual swallowing) the entire time. I initially fed her every 3 hours around the clock, until her pediatrician cleared us to let her sleep as long as she wanted to at night, due to her great weight gain.

From the time I brought her home from the hospital, I focused on making sure Grace Girl got nice, full feedings at each nursing session, keeping her awake until she seemed full and contented. (I used advice from this site). She was happy to go 3 hours between feeds right from the start, and now at 3 months, only wakes me up once or twice in the night to feed. (Again, if she gets hungry sooner, I feed her. Just need to repeat this multiple times because, you know).

Grace Girl does not nurse for comfort, and in fact, she gets upset if I try to breastfeed her when that is not the reason she is crying.

Granted, Grace Girl has had no trouble latching or with weight gain, and that is why she is able to space out her feeds. The contrast between my two girls has shown me that some babies need to eat frequently (though sometimes only temporarily), whether due to poor latch, lower milk supply, or simply a high-needs temperament. (If a poor latch or weight gain apply to your baby, get in touch with a lactation consultant ASAP. These things can almost always be improved).

On the other hand, some babies are happier with regular, spaced-out feeds, and being comforted other ways.

All of this is to say… What?

It’s just not straightforward.

Babies are different; mamas are different.

Here are some handy math-graphics  summarizing what I found from my experience and the experiences of my mom-friends who did co-sleep.

First, there’s what I did with Warrior Girl:

Then, there’s what I wish I’d done with Warrior Girl: (though it’s important to know that most co-sleeping kiddos continue to night nurse until they are either weaned or start sleeping in their own beds. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it, but you should know this is a possibility.)

And there’s what I’m doing with Grace Girl:

All that being said, if any of you nursed frequently for comfort during the day, had baby sleep in a crib and said baby slept amazingly at night, please comment and share your magical tips!

Also, please share your magical tips if your co-sleeping, comfort-nursing baby stopped night nursing without total weaning and while continuing to co-sleep!

At the end of the day, there are many ways to be a wonderful mom. And there is even the possibility of okay sleep whatever your parenting philosophy and approach to nursing. Not only that, your child will most likely develop a secure attachment to you whatever your choice.

So you do you, Mama, and let’s raise a glass to the possibility of semi-decent sleep and to the peaceful co-existence of mamas with various parenting philosophies and approaches! Blessings to you and yours, and may your securely attached nurslings give you a solid chunk of sleep tonight.

***

How did/do you handle sleep and nursing with your littles? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!